Relief

So some of you may know and some may not about my recent studies and tests. Way back in March I was running with one of my closest friends and trying to prepare of the mini-triathlon in May - which I did write about in my posting of Hardest Thing, however the trials didn't end there. With the triathlon not going well (to put it as optimistically as I can), I wanted to treat the asthma more aggressively.

I spoke to a few people at work and decided to go a a highly recommended asthma doctor here in town. After all the tests, he looked at me with a concerned look and said, "There's definitely something wrong, but it's definitely not asthma." He wanted me to go to see an ENT doctor because my "throat was a little red" and have a cardiac echo done. First was the ENT, who did a scope down my nose, down my throat to look at my vocal cords. Most of they time they use Lidocaine to numb and for a pain reliever, but because I'm allergic to Novocaine, he said "we just won't use it." WHAT??? Well, stupid me, thinking that the Dr. knew what he was talking about, I figured it would be ok without. I asked, "Does it hurt?" His response, "Well it's not a procedure I'd ask my doctor to do, but everyone tells me it's not as bad as they thought it'd be." I pulled up my big girl panties and pretended to be tough. I couldn't pretend for long. You know when you bump your nose and your eyes immediately water??? Well, mine were pouring tears faster than Niagara Falls...which continued up to a half hour after I left the doctors office. As many of you know...my nose was broken when I was a wee lil thing...leaving it crooked. Try to put a scope down a crooked nose - no I take that back, DON'T! Instead of realizing it wouldn't go down one nostril, he tried to push a lil harder....oh my gosh, I thought I had experienced pain before...ah, no, this is real pain: jamming a lil metal flashlight camera thing directly into the already sensitive cartilage of your nose. "Ooops won't go down that one, let's put it down the other one again," was his only response...not a sorry, nothing. So, the third time he stuck that scope in my nose, he finally used it. Afterwards he asks me "So was it as bad as you thought it'd be?" (With tears still running down my face mind you) All I could muster our was a very agitated and annoyed "...Yah." Then he tells me he THINKS I MAY have vocal cord dysfunction and the only way to fix it is speech therapy, but that doesn't cause chest pain. He wanted to schedule me for therapy. No thanks, Mr. I Now Despise You.

Next, I was hopefully that my cardiac echo would show something fixable, so I could treat it with whatever, then move on with my life and be as active as I hope to be. Heck, I had a June triathlon to compete in. After chest x-rays, blood draw and an hour + ultra sound, nothing. Zilch. Dr. Bubak, not satisfied with the results wanted me to see a cardiologist and probably have a stress test since most of my pain and symptoms come upon exertion. So...back to another doctor's office. He was correct and a stress test was ordered. Early this month I went in for the test, did the walk/jog and they hurried me back to the bed for another echo. Even though I had shortness of breath and chest pain, the results showed nothing. My heart and circulation was doing everything it needed to and my oxygen levels were perfect. Nothing concerning, but the only thing "interesting," as Dr. Paa put it, was my heart rate was very high. He wanted to give me a med. A med...without knowing what was causing it. I'm too young to be on mediation that will not fix the problem and just coat the symptom. However, figuring that he must know, he wanted me to try it for a month and we'd go from there. Two weeks after being on the med, I was a total sloth: sleeping during my breaks at work, taking at least a 2 hour nap and going to bed at about 8:30 or 9. I couldn't take it. I called the doctor and said I don't want the meds and I want more testing. The response I got? They've done all the testing they can and this is the only option for medication, so just reduce the medication by taking it once a day instead of twice. This answer did not satisfy me. (I forgot to take a picture of all the contraptions in the room where I did the stress test...sorry).

This week I called my regular primary doctor and said, "I want to be seen as soon as possible, I need future testing!" They got me in in three days. Friday was my appointment and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. He heard me. A doctor that finally heard me. He told me to stop the medication (Hip, Hip, Hooray). He told me we'd do more testing and that we'd test until we have a solid diagnosis (Yoo Hoo). He told me that I'm too young to be on medications without knowing why...and I'm in too good of shape to be having these problems without real reasons behind them. While I don't have any answers to this problem, I have faith that I finally have someone that is willing to take a deep look and find the cause.

So while I'm still in this limbo, I feel better. He told me to go ahead and try to train for the September Tri, like I'd like to. It will help with the testing to make sure I know what and when my symptoms are triggered - at least for now. But he also is concerned and wants me to take it easy. I'll do my best to heed those words...

Hardest Thing

I've done some hard things and made some hard decisions in my life; such as majors, what college to go to, grad school, PhD programs, jobs, relationships, etc. We all know that life isn't easy and we all encounter things that may be easier to ignore rather than confront - however...that's not what life is about. How we face those challenges can say a lot about our personality, values and integrity.

Yesterday I think I may have faced the hardest thing I've had to do, at this point in my life. To some/many of you reading this, it may not sound like something that important or difficult - but it was for me. I competed in the Siouxperman Triathlon in Sioux Center, Iowa.

Sure I had trained for it, for about a month or two. In that month or two, I was also diagnosed with exertional asthma, commonly known as athlete's asthma. Swimming has always been my forte so that was not a concern, however - the biking and running were far from an interest of mine. In the past couple months I have tried to build up my endurance with both my legs and lungs.

Without knowing what to expect, and never competing in any kind of race at all (other than a mile run in the 7th grade), my friend Matty and I made the drive to Iowa, mom and dad following with the bikes in tow.

The first leg was interesting - an indoor swim with a snake pattern weaving through the pool for a full 6 laps. Not difficult - but not the same thing as training in a pool with one or two other swimmers with calm water - that's for sure.

Leg two - the bike. It was horrible. Windy and HILLY. In South Dakota it's flat with an occasional hill. Northwest Iowa is a little different with constant rolling hills. Also, many of you who have been to Iowa, will know that Iowa isn't related to the most enticing smell around. Since the 25K bike ride took us out of town, we were constantly surrounded by the smell of hog farms and feed lots. As I was riding, the cool wind and air increased the pain in my lungs, which left me clenching my inhaler for the duration of the ride. Everyone was very supportive - encouraging me and saying "Keep it up 26," "It's tough on a mountain (referring to my mountain bike), you're doing great," and my favorite, "Good job 10-speed, keep it up."

Once I got to the run my lungs and throat were burning each attempt to inhale. I gasped for air with raspy attempts. My dad was a trooper and walked for first bit with me to keep my morale up and ease my anxiety for about the first mile as mom was in charge of the camera trying to keep track of Matty and myself. Once I could breathe a little more decent, I picked it up to a jog then a slow run.

I finished this sucker. Mission accomplished. Does that mean I can now be considered a Triathlete?

(Matty and I after we both finished the race)

Now what was the hardest thing about this? Yes the physical endurance portion of it sucked. My body continued to scream at me and tell me to stop...or was it my mind? My body hurt and my muscles ached but my mind doubted. Each time I started to think I can't, I stopped myself and would switch it around and say out loud, "I CAN do it." Trying to pedal up some of those hills way down in first gear, when I knew I could get off my bike and walk it faster, I KNEW I had to keep on pedaling, one foot at a time. During the run, I KNEW I could continue, one breath and one step at a time.

While this is definitely a test a physical endurance, it's more of a test of mental endurance. I know my limits, but I will continue to train to better my limits and myself. My biggest challenge was knowing I can do it.

I went in knowing I wouldn't win. I went in being OK with the fact that I may have to walk. My goals were to not stop and to finish. And I did both of those. My breathing is out of my hands. I will continue to work with my doctor to get a handle on that. But more importantly, I will continue to try. There are more triathlons coming up this summer and Matty and I are already talking about the next one and how to train for it....