Cuddled

As many of you (ha, I make it sound like the whole country is reading this - ok ok, as the 3 out of the 4 that may read this) know, I have been going through a transition in my life. I have become more aware of many things around me.
There is something I have noticed more now that I have before. The most comforting feeling I've ever had...
I was at Target this weekend with my parents and while we've been shopping we've been looking for a "throw" for my couch. Well, in the Bedding/blankets they had the most amazing blankets on the end of an isle. They came in different colors and different sizes (all for the same price! so of course I wanted the king size since it would cost the same as the twin, but mom told me not to be facetious). They were so soft and cozy...how soft and cozy you ask? Well, while I was waiting for the cashier to finish with the person in front of us, he looked back to see how much stuff I had...when he saw the blanket he reached out and touched it, then sheepishly looked at us and apologized saying "I'm sorry, it just looked so soft, I've been here for a long time, I get entertained easily." That's how soft it is - people can't keep their hands off it. Well, I didn't get a King size, I got a full and it's more than big enough for my 5'1" body.
Ok back to the point - when I wrap up in the blanket, I have thoughts of staying in this blanket all day and night and not leaving. I could just lay on my new couch wrapped up in my blanket reading my many books that I have "plans" to dive into. When I'm wrapped up in this blanket nothing matters. Life is lila waste (very good).
It reminds me of being in the comfort of my King, my Father, my Savior. It's all protecting, safe, warm, loving, and comforting. It makes all the worries and fears go away so you can be comfortable and enjoy being You.
I would encourage everyone to find that comfort in something. For me it's my blankets (you know you can never have too many blankets, hehe). We all need to find that peace in something that we do or a place that we go.
Being in my blanket has re-awakened me to this feeling. It's a feeling I've had in the past and it's one I want to continue to search for....

Neglectful

I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted. Sometimes I find it much easier to read other posts then to type my own. Other people's lives are usually much more exciting or interesting than mine, or so I like to think.
I've tried to enter some new posts the last week or two but don't know where to start. My mind has been such a mess, such a blur, such a jumble. If I even tried to type anything the first thought wouldn't match the next. Heck, that's probably how it is even on a day my thoughts are "clear."
Why so confused? Well in the last couple months, I've made some important life decisions and changes. I've found it's easy to continue on in life as things are and look for the things that make you happy and cover the not so good stuff. However, what's the healthy thing to do? We need to look at it all and decide what is healthy and what really makes us happy. What makes me happy? Being outside with friends and family that I love. Crazily, shopping with my mom isn't as bad as I thought...as long as we avoid Wal-Mart except for the necessities. Watermelon. Standing in the rain. Camping and fire. Hiking. Taking pictures. FAITH. HOPE. LOVE.
In the midst of my struggles and hard times the last couple months, I've found who have been great friends and support. It's so fun to see the family you've know forever be morphed into friends. I mean this in particularly to my parents. It has always been difficult for me to open up to that friend level with them, sharing some of my biggest struggles and thoughts with them. In this time they have become more than just my parents and I'm so thankful for that. All my family has been so supportive and loving and I couldn't and wouldn't want to replace them for anything.

On the up side...I went shopping with Mom yesterday and I got a little Christmas shopping taken care of. Also, I have to work tomorrow, Monday, but then I get Tuesday off for Veteran's Day. Thank goodness for being a federal employee but more importantly, those soldiers who have served our Country to protect my family and myself.

Ugh

Love?

I'm so confused
And just want to quit
All this stress
Doesn't seem worth it

I sit and think
All day - All night
Wishing for something
That will just feel right

I want to be a princess
I want to be a queen
But then the real world
Can be so mean

I'm not just a girl
Why don't they see
There is something special
About me

To give someone attention
Is what I want to do
Flatter them with gifts
And say I love you too

All I want
Is just to have fun
Why do people
Always seem to run

They talk about the future
Then turn away
And "I don't know"
Is all they can say

But I know you are out there
You have to be
Maybe you are sitting
And wishing for me

It will be different
Once we meet
Life with you
Will be so sweet

But until then
I wonder why
As a single tear
Falls from my eye

I want to be your princess
I want to be your queen
But the real world
Is just so mean

Rest that Stress

Ever feel like you need a break from something...so you go away. You go away for the weekend, but then you realize that things have just piled up even more than when you left them?

This weekend wasn't a run-away from life, but it was a well needed break from all the stresses going on in life. I went to Rosebud/Lakeview (woo hoo LKV) to hang with "family." It was a quick planned thing, up to noon on Friday it was still a question of, "if you go I'll go, and if you go I'll go." Someone finally said, "I'm going." And everything else fell into place.

I rode out with Aunt Mary and Tim to meet up with Alex, Scot and Patty at their home in Lakeview. What was planned as a full-filled weekend of horses, parades and outside - quickly changed to rain, clouds and inside. But that couldn't ruin our weekend. Patty gave Alex and I permission to stay up as late as we wanted, not knowing what she'd get. After plenty of hours of lots of discussion and literally no TV, Al and I finally headed towards sleep at about 3:45 or 4 am. Unlike Al, I still got up around 8 and made my way to town to check out the Cowboy Days and Craft Shows...nothing for me, but great craft ideas for dad to complete.

Sunday was a cold day. After church at the cute Rosebud chapel, Al and I nearly completed a 1,000 piece puzzle. By the time we were wore out of puzzle making, I was ready for bed, especially after two late nights prior. Sadly, Monday was time for us to head back to reality and back to work, school and life. It was a well needed break surrounded by family and friends, even though not what was planned.

However, upon return life sunk in and I realized that leaving only helped things pile up for me to tend to when I got home, on top of all the laundry I need to do. But the weekend gave me relaxation and peace so I can slowly chip away on all my duties, tasks and roles awaiting me. I can strongly face things coming my way with fresh air and confidence.

So take that break, without worrying what you are leaving behind...it will be there for you to worry about when you get back. Enjoy the time you can.

Laughter

Not that you won't get the answer to the following question based on the title of this post...but just for giggles, I say it anyway...

What is the most joyful, happy, and free sound in the world?

Look at this little girl's face and imagine the sound coming out of it. Jaylee has pure enjoyment as she learns to spin, dance and twirl the ribbon around her, her sister and the air. When I first un-rolled the long ribbon from the stick, the girls looked curiously on wondering what in the world it was. However, at the first quick flip of my wrist I heard shrill squeals from Rin and Jaylee as they chased the end of the ribbon, trying to catch it as I danced it around the wind, the grass and each other.

The girls learned quickly how to work the ribbon with the wind and to make it dance. Rin excitedly asked me all the different things you can do with the ribbon. Her curiosity grew as I told her she could throw it in the air, do cartwheels, etc.

Of course, as quick as they learned, there were many times of knots and times of twisted messes, including the girls themselves. Not once was there anger, frustration or jealousy, only pure joy and happiness with lots of laughter. I like to carry the sound of the high squeals that filled the air when a child experiences complete joy.

How I'd like to be like a child. They find happiness and are able to put aside all the other stresses and worries and completely enjoy the moment. They are able to put aside the sibling rivalry and enjoy each other's company.

They let go and laugh like no one can hear.

(Me, Dad, Mom, "Auntie Mary", "Auntie Liz", Lee, "Cousin Jess")
This is what fun looks like.

Where did it go?

I haven't decided yet. Are weekends supposed to be relaxing, productive, busy, on the go, what?
This weekend was a whirlwind of everything!

Friday I wish I would have taken pictures. My parents and I made a mad dash down to Iowa to see family and wish Dale a safe and quick deployment for the Army. He is back at Ft. Brag and we wish him all the best and God's safety. We played beyond balderdash, which we have found to be a GREAT Crabtree game, as many of the members of that family have thoughts and ideas that are off-the-wall enough that it just might work. Dale made a-m-a-z-i-n-g ice cream and Brenda complimented it oh so nicely with wonderful brownies. I hadn't seen Amanda in a long time so it was great to get her back nearby to hug another one of "us," (you know, the less that 5'4"ers =).

Saturday was great to sleep in...well lay in. Friday got to be a late night and with a mind just spinning falling asleep wasn't the easiest and my darn body is so used to getting up early. I still woke up at 7, but stayed in bed until 10 and I can't tell you how wonderful that felt. My lounging in was pleasantly interrupted by my "cousin" Jess, who was in town for her college 5 year reunion. She called to plan a Sunday brunch with her and my parents - yay! Since it was ten, I figured I should get up for the day, and good thing, as my Uncle Ross and his family were in town to go to the musical/play Sweeney Todd. We met for a quick lunch at Applebees before they had to make the 1st act, again, family I haven't seen in a while, and so nice to see their smiles again.

Like I said, on Sunday my parents and I met Jess and her mom, aunt and boyfriend for a nice brunch at Spezia's - an upscale artsy restaurant. Great food, great company and lots of laughs. Nothing can fill the room and be as contagious and Jess's unhaltered laugh.

In between all the meals, I had some nice quality time with my parents, which we haven't had in a while, so it was great to catch up and spend time with them...although all the shopping really started to wear on me. No offense mom, but I'll be happy if I never have to look at another piece of jewelry in at least a little while.

After sore feet, full bellies and tired eyes, the weekend was well worth it. And I can't wait to see what next weekend will bring, I have an extra day, so who knows what I can stuff that full with!