New Life

With a kiss and a hug
I'm on my way
I've been anxiously waiting
For this day

It's too late for me
To change my mind
And sure of my decision
Is what I find

I quit my job
I'll move away
This is so ridiculous
Many people say

It's hard to understand
The move I've made
But my service and time
I haven't paid

So many people
Have laid down their life
So others can live
Without daily strife

I want to provide
What I can give
Which in turn
Could help people live

My friends and family
Behind me they stand
They always try to give
A helping hand

To leave behind
Everything I know
Makes this harder
But I have to go

With a little bit of fear
But filled more with excite
The choice was difficult
But I know my decision is right

I'm not sure where I'll go
Or exactly what I'll do
But I'm proud to serve my country
And be a Soldier too

Alone At War

I've got my gun
I've got my gear
From my face I try
To hide my fear

They sent me to
A place unknown
So different from
Where I've grown

They tell me
I have what I need
Enough to get by
And so we can succeed

While my gun has become
A friend of mine
I treasure the memories
That seem caught in time

The I love you's I hear
Their hugs I still feel
Even though we said goodbye
Until now it didn't feel real

When I get a moment
I sit and hope
If I don't make it back
Ok they'll cope

But every night
I think and pray
How it will be
My homecoming day

To see my family and friends
That I've missed
To see my love
And feel her kiss

Each morning the sun
Rises in the sky
We are told our mission
And don't ask why

In the back of my mind
I put my thoughts
Just as if
Locked in a box

It's so hard for me
To think of home
Because then I realize
That I'm alone

-e.crabtree

FREE

They tell me I'm ready
And it's time for me to go
But I question myself
As I just don't know

They give us our duty
We tie up our boots
We all look the same
In our ACUs

I check our map
Re-clean my gun
And try to hide my eyes
From the glaring sun

Staying alert
As we ride in the truck
Pray we all get through this mission
With any luck

Back home life is different
I'm just treated like a kid
There no one will believe
Here the things that I did

And here I'm all grown
Split decisions I make
With the lives of my unit
Responsibility I take

That weight can get heavy
And the burden much
But the benefits of our task
It doesn't begin to touch

So I wake up in the morning
Put on the same clothes
Often my face is still dirty
When to bed I go

I can't help but think
How different life would be
If I hadn't signed the papers, but
The military has become part of me

If I could take it back
I wouldn't want to
It was my decision
And this is what I do

I wear my name with pride
On the right side of my chest
And when I go to work
For my country I dress

I hear shots get fired
Bombs exploding in the air
For me and my troops safety
I say a quick prayer

It's no longer about the money
I don't do it for me
It started with my family
And to protect their safety

My eyes have been opened
And now I feel and see
That I'm here for a purpose
And the belief to be free

-e. crabtree

60 Years

We gathered together
To celebrate with you
Sixty years back
When you joined as two

Look around for a moment
And look at what you’ve done
See how many love you
And how many could come

As we look through the pictures
We can see the past
It’s hard to believe those years
Have gone by so fast

For all of us
You take the blame
But we are all proud
To trace back to your name

The two of you started
Out your family
Who would have thought
Seven children there’d be

Then the numbers
Quickly grew
With fourteen grandchildren
For your family to include

The amount of members
Continues to climb
Seven great-grandchildren and counting
In your family is just fine

You taught us that love
Joined many years in the past
Can make it through much
And forever can last

Just like your relationship
Your family grew
All from a love
That started with two

Time & Trial

It’s funny how in life
I can be so sure
But then something unexpected
Always seems to occur

I go about my day
As I think I should
But when all is over
Did I do all I could

Life can be short
Or it can be long
And we waste so much time
Trying to belong

That’s not what’s important
It’s not what we need
We need to slow down
And let go of the greed

Throw out the money
Throw out the toys
Let go of the stress
Quiet the noise

We think we can control
Everything around
But it’s with this thinking
That we’re disaster bound

Trying to make life
What we want it to be
Through all the clouds
The sun we can’t see

Each struggle we survive
And trial we go through
Makes us more unique
And independent too

Life’s not made to be easy
It’s not a walk in the park
But there’s a lot more sunshine
Just quit looking for the dark

There is always good
And there is always bad
But I’m learning to be thankful
For what I’ve already had

Don’t live in the past
For the future is near
Treasure the present
Because that’s what’s here

E. Crabtree

Taken

I try so hard
To make life work
But when I’m in charge
I end up hurt

So here I am, Lord
Come be with me
I hand my life over
And let it be

Take my life
It’s all Yours
Use me, use me
What You need me for

Make my will Yours
My purpose will come
With You in control
I then can succumb

To what You want
My life to be
When I live for You
I’m able to see

There’s more to life
Than work and play
I want to live for You
So let me say

Take my life
It’s all Yours
Use me, use me
What You need me for

You don’t take away
All the hurt and pain
But when You’re by my side
My soul You sustain

Lord, You fill the void
And make me whole
All the sadness I have
You will console

My world is better
When You come here
With my full trust in You
The fear disappears

So, take my life
It’s all Yours
Use me, use me
What You need me for


E. Crabtree

To A Fault

I like to think
I’m on my own
Everything I do
I can do alone

Not in need of someone
To always be with me
I do my own thing
And enjoy being free

As I wish
I come and go
Into my independence
I continue to grow

But as days pass by
Some hours get long
I start to doubt
That I am that strong

It would be nice
To have someone there
Laughs and memories
Together we’d share

I find myself
A little less willing
To be vulnerable
And risk everything

It’d open the chance
For me to get hurt
So it’s often easier
To just divert

My thoughts and fears
To the back of my head
And through life
I’ll continue to tread

One day at a time
On my own
I know I won’t
Always be alone

Eventually there will be one
That will come my way
But until then
I’ll just live for today

I do not want
To need them here
But not having someone
Is what I fear

E. Crabtree

It's Tomorrow...

The nerve, the angst
It all starts to rumble
As it gets closer, I pray
I don't have trouble

I put in my time
I've done what I can
Once the day comes
It's out of my hands

I'll do my best
To hold a pace
To fight the fight
And finish the race

My body will hurt
My mind will doubt
But that is not
What it's all about

My muscles know
What to do
I have faith I'll
Make it through

Pushing myself
To all I can be
All the possibilities
Now I can see

Yourself

Our life can take
Some crazy turns
But do we get
What our heart yearns

Always trying to serve
Those around
By giving too much
Possibly losing ground

Wanting the best
For everyone
But who’s looking out for you
Is anyone?

Protect your heart
Protect your life
Through everything
There will be strife

Be good to yourself
This is a must
Only your heart and mind
You can trust

Never settle
For second best
Or all your life
You’ll second guess

I pray that you
Get what you need
Because then in all
You will succeed

Never Alone

So here I sit
At home tonight
In my blanket
And wrapped up tight

Life has been crazy
With a lot going on
Some people have come
But more have gone

It leaves me with a sense
Of being alone
The extent of this feeling
I had not known

It's a state in my life
That I'll make it through
But when and how
I wish I knew

People of my past
I'll never forget
In my life
They were carefully set

They made me strong
They helped me stand
They also helped me
Accept their hand

Being independent
Is good to do
But it's the friends in life
That bring out the real you

Where ever life takes me
I'll be thankful for the friends
That will live in my heart
'Till the very end.

Prayer for Grandpa

All That's Left

I’m so torn
How long can this go
As each minute passes
This anxiety grows

It’s out of our control
This I understand
All we can do is trust
And put it in God’s hand

So here we sit
With nothing to do
While this stress continues
And we worry for you

The only thing left
For us to try
Is keep on praying
In Him I lie

All my hopes
All my fears
Only Jesus can count
All my tears

He’s here with you
He’s here with me
And with no more suffering
I pray you’ll be

I got it back!

After a while struggling to write, I got it back...at least for tonight, here's my second one of the night:

Little Things

I like quiet
I like noise
I like to hang out
And be one of the boys

I like sunshine and flowers
The fresh smell of rain
And looking out the window
Up high in a plane

Popsicles and Kool-aid
On a hot summer day
Looking up at night
Seeing the Milky Way

The sweet taste of watermelon
Fresh on my tongue
Letting go of stress
And enjoy being young

To laugh out loud until
My stomach hurts
And with no regret
Have a second dessert

The beautiful colors
That come in the fall
Being with friends and
Playing football

Little things in life
Are what make me
Happy and joyous
And full of glee

Each day that comes
There is good to see
But seeing that good
Is up to me

Crush

There is something special
What is it that you do
That makes me check my phone
Every minute or two

You make me laugh
You make me smile
I hope this feeling
Lasts a while

How it feels around you
I cannot hide
So I just sit back
And enjoy the ride

It's been a long time
Since I've felt like this
But seeing your eyes smile
Is just pure bliss

You caught me by surprise
I had no clue
That my feelings would start
To grow on you

I hope its not just me
I hope you feel it too
How can I be falling
Head over heals for you

We haven't even been
On a date
But in my mind
You're worth the wait

Look at me
Look at what you've done
You make me happy
And help me have fun

So without you knowing
I want to thank you
For letting me see
The real person in you

I'm Ready

Times have changed

It's a new day

My life can go

Any which way

It took some time

To heal and grow

But with the passing days

Now I know

I am me

I am strong

And where I am now

Is where I belong

I will not forget

But learn from the past

I look toward the future

My options are vast

I'm done with this
I'm moving on

No more looking back

All sadness gone

I'm ready to live

I'm ready to love

I'm moving on

I'm all the above

So watch out world

Here I come

Always remembering

Where I'm from

Ugh

Love?

I'm so confused
And just want to quit
All this stress
Doesn't seem worth it

I sit and think
All day - All night
Wishing for something
That will just feel right

I want to be a princess
I want to be a queen
But then the real world
Can be so mean

I'm not just a girl
Why don't they see
There is something special
About me

To give someone attention
Is what I want to do
Flatter them with gifts
And say I love you too

All I want
Is just to have fun
Why do people
Always seem to run

They talk about the future
Then turn away
And "I don't know"
Is all they can say

But I know you are out there
You have to be
Maybe you are sitting
And wishing for me

It will be different
Once we meet
Life with you
Will be so sweet

But until then
I wonder why
As a single tear
Falls from my eye

I want to be your princess
I want to be your queen
But the real world
Is just so mean

Family Poem

Crabtree Family

Many people have asked
What is a crab tree?
All I have for a reply
Is it’s my family

This is something real important
At least it is to me
Come meet my relatives
Then you will see

Grandma and Grandpa
Live in Pierre
I hope and try to see them
At least once a year

Grandma is a short one
From her we got our height
But also the best cook
With love in every bite

Grandpa is a veteran
From World War II
Now playing cards and cribbage
Is what he loves to do

They had seven children
Who are scattered all around
Though distance keeps us apart
Their love keeps them bound

First is Uncle Chuck
Who was in the Navy
He and wife, Pam are Okies
With son, Paul, in their family

Aunt Deni lives in Rapid
She has three great kids
Sarah, Matt and Tim
They go on dinosaur digs

Then came Uncle David
He married a Kelli
Their children Chloe, Sam
And Collista are twigs on the tree

Uncle Lee had 3 children
With Brenda and Dale in the military
Amanda’s engaged to Tyler
And Aunt Brenda remarried

Glen is the next one
Working with trees for life
He has two children, Ben and Beth
And there is Cindy, his wife

Lyle has found his way to Pierre
Where he enjoys crafts
You know his daughter, Brandy
By their similar laughs

Uncle Ross is the last one
He is far from small
His wife is Joan, and daughter
Adelyn is also very tall

Matt, Sarah, Ben and Brandy
Have families of their own
Their spouses and children have
Helped our tree grow

As time passes with
The seeds that we sow
Our tree is getting bigger
And our family does grow

With marriages and deaths
Our names may change, you see
But that is something in your soul
You’ll always be a Crabtree!


This is my newest creation. I'm not completely sold on all the sections, so if you have any thoughts or ideas, I'm completely open. I'm planning to give this to Grandma and Grandpa either next time I see them or next year for their 60th anniversary, so we'll see.

All That I am

Who am I
How can I say
There's too much to me
To put it one way

Of course I'm the usual
Short, blonde and small
But who's to say to someone,
I may be really tall?

But in reality, I like to think
I have a lot going on
Hold on to your horses
The list may get long

To start at the beginning
I am the youngest one
There is me and my parents
Who also have a son

I was an active child
Always swimming at the pool
From May until September
While we didn't have school

My momma was the patient one
Loving us just right
My daddy always wrestling
And looking for a "fight"

That combination made me
Who I am today
Both caring yet rowdy
Are traits that have stayed

Born in the country but
Moved to the town
I am a tom boy to the soul
Never wanting a prom gown

When it came to college
I didn't know what to do
Too many interests to
Narrow down to one or two

First Northwestern, then USD
For a total of 3 years
I settled on 2 degrees
Instead of all the beer

Social Work is challenging
American Indian Studies is fun
I just need to find a way
To combine them into one

McCrossans was my first
Work experience for life
The boys taught me a lot
But also caused much strife

Next came the veterans
At the VA
I started out an intern
With very little pay

Now I have been hired on
As full-time staff
This seems to be a good way
For my life's path

Work can be challenging
But I still make life fun
I always seem on the go
Always on the run

If I'm not at the gym,
Church or with friends
You can find me at home
Or outside is the latest trend

Things that I enjoy most
Are little things in life
Each day I get older
And I'm still not a wife

That is sure okay with me
I can stand on my own
I'm a country girl to the core
And independence I have shown

Swimsuits, bowling shoes and rollerblades
Make my closet very full
Staying active makes me happy
And that's the real goal

I am who I am, and
That's all I can be
I thank God, friends and family
For allowing me to be me!

Veteran

I dotted my "i's"
And crossed my "t's"
A few months later
I was overseas


No one would say
What was next
None of us knew
What to really expect


I did some things
I never thought I would do
And saw a lot of things
I didn't want to


When our time was done
They sent me back home
Surrounded by family & friends
But still felt alone

I left a boy
Came back a man
I'm not really sure
Who I am


The friends I have
Want to get together
But stay at home by
Myself I would rather

My mother tells me
I'm not the same one
That left just a year
Ago as her son

Sometimes at night
It's hard to sleep
These memories in my head
Private I wish to keep


To tell it all
So people can understand
Is hard for me
To reach out for someone's hand

The reason I'd tell
Is so they can see
Why I'm so "different"
Not for sympathy

After telling what I've done
And what I've been through
It's obvious people don't
Know what to say or do

I just want to go back
To the person I used to be
I'm in the same body
But don't feel like me



This is just a poem that I wrote one day while I was thinking and stressing about some of my young veterans that I see at work. I feel that I have a unique insight to some of the young men that have been deployed, as a social worker for them, some may tell me more than most people hear. It tears me heart to see such young and capable men be torn apart with things that they've done and seen. Many wish they could go back to finish the job that they began. Now that they are back, some struggle with their new life, that was not put on hold for them. The young 18-23 year olds no longer blend in with their less mature classmates and friends as they used to.

Again, I also see the worst cases that we have in my area. Not everyone that is deployed comes back feeling this way, and I thank God for that. I hope that I can help some of my veteran's find their way back into what they view as "their life."

Not the most uplifting blog, I know...just what's on my mind I guess...It's from a few of the gentlemen I see....their perspectives all rolled into one.