Considering it's been at least 4 months since my last post, I figure I'm a little past due and it's time for me to try to get back into the groove. While I would like to, I also don't know what to write about, or even where to begin.
See...I even forgot I was typing this for the last 30 minutes. To spare you here is the gist:
In the last few months, my parents have completed moved into their new home. To help them out and save some money, I had the honor to move into their house. It's a little weird to be living on my own in the house I grew up in, but it's nice too.
Life has brought me many changes in the past year and I think it'd be fair to say - I'm kinda starting over, to where I was just over a year ago. I'm up for challenges and I up for new things. I continue to pray about and consider my involvement with the military. As I investigate my options, I pray that God will lead me in the direction where he can best use me. For all of you prayer warriors, any additional prayers would be greatly appreciated.
That is probably the biggest thing in my heart and mind right now. Based on that decision and path that I take, the rest of my world will fall into place around it.
I'm hoping that the goals in mind of competing in more Triathlons next year with my cousin (and anyone else that would like to join) will help keep me motivated for working out. P90X is looking good as well as getting back into the pool on a daily basis. I've lost my groove in a lot of areas of life...but I'm determined to get it back - and I will. Starting tomorrow. I'm going to swim and/or run tomorrow. I promise.
But for now, I'm off to McCrossans. It's their dedication ceremony/church service with their new chapel. Pretty exciting and huge progress. I pray that it is well used for all the boys out there! I'll be back to keep ya informed of getting my groove back...
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Crunch Time
Oh what a glorious, rainy Sunday. I love rain, I really do - but at some point this summer I'd appreciate for the temperature to be above 75 AND have sunshine at the same time. I trust that this will happen, I just need to wait. Aaahhh, another thing to test and try my patience.
Patience - blah. There are times I'd like to spit in the face of patience. An example of one of these times would be the last year. Yup, patience, I spit at you. But, even with all my spitting - nothing happens, except my patience is probably tried more. The appropriate time still needs to pass before my waiting will be done.
Well, for one of my milestones, my waiting is almost over. I have a feeling this last bit of time will feel way longer that the last how many months have. It's crunch time. I have a lot of unfinished projects. Not really, but kind of. My poems have suffered, and that makes me sad. I've started a few - but would get too emotional or mopey or drained to finish. But in the last couple weeks, I've turned my game back on. I've cleaned. With my cleaning, my apartment is 90% back the way I want/need to have it all the time. In my cleaning I found my poetry notebook, the one with all my unfinished poems. In my time of nothingness - I plan to work on these. Some may be scratched all together - shoot I may not remember what I was feeling or going for in some of them, but others will be finished and I expect to post them soon.
You know what I hate most about patience - is once you have it and the waiting is almost over, then comes anticipation. For me, with anticipation comes nerves and anxiety. I have been fluctuating between having the urge to vomit, cry and smile...sometimes all at once. People just laugh - but I say to many, if you were in this circumstance, I bet they would understand.
With that, my blog has been much neglected, along with other areas of my life. I'm getting em back. I'm taking it all back. I've made it through the worst and the bulk is over. I went toe to toe with patience and I've won....so far...I just pray that the Lord will help me through the last bit...which I have now discovered is by far the HARDEST!
Patience - blah. There are times I'd like to spit in the face of patience. An example of one of these times would be the last year. Yup, patience, I spit at you. But, even with all my spitting - nothing happens, except my patience is probably tried more. The appropriate time still needs to pass before my waiting will be done.
Well, for one of my milestones, my waiting is almost over. I have a feeling this last bit of time will feel way longer that the last how many months have. It's crunch time. I have a lot of unfinished projects. Not really, but kind of. My poems have suffered, and that makes me sad. I've started a few - but would get too emotional or mopey or drained to finish. But in the last couple weeks, I've turned my game back on. I've cleaned. With my cleaning, my apartment is 90% back the way I want/need to have it all the time. In my cleaning I found my poetry notebook, the one with all my unfinished poems. In my time of nothingness - I plan to work on these. Some may be scratched all together - shoot I may not remember what I was feeling or going for in some of them, but others will be finished and I expect to post them soon.
You know what I hate most about patience - is once you have it and the waiting is almost over, then comes anticipation. For me, with anticipation comes nerves and anxiety. I have been fluctuating between having the urge to vomit, cry and smile...sometimes all at once. People just laugh - but I say to many, if you were in this circumstance, I bet they would understand.
With that, my blog has been much neglected, along with other areas of my life. I'm getting em back. I'm taking it all back. I've made it through the worst and the bulk is over. I went toe to toe with patience and I've won....so far...I just pray that the Lord will help me through the last bit...which I have now discovered is by far the HARDEST!
Friday, April 30, 2010
On the "Road" Again...well...plane anyway
It's been an interesting past month or so. I've been on the go more than anticipated but it's gone incredibly well. However, I better not speak too soon, I'm sitting in the airport in Cleveland waiting to fly back home, through Minneapolis, of course.
First my traveling started with a road trip to eastern Wisconsin for a B-E-A-UTIFUL wedding. It was an adventure through Amish country, cranberry bogs and lots of nothingness (particularly across Minnesota). The parents-of-the-groom do live in Austin, so if I ever need a break while making a trek like that again, I may just give them a call =)
Next was the branding in Lakeview. No surprises there, other than another AMAZING weekend with "family" that I love. No major injuries, just a few bangs and bruises overall. I rode horse, helped sort, wrestled calves and even learned how to give vaccination shots! Some people would like to say that the drive to Rosebud is a drive through nothingness, but I strongly object and say it's a drive right into God's Country!
My previous post was a little bit about my trip to DC. It was a whirlwind, too much conference and not enough tourist time. Blair, Nate and I did get to eat at a couple local places and take the After Dark bus tour of the monuments - I would recommend that tour to anyone. It's crazy how one statue, monument, or building can look so different. My favorite thing was the Marine Memorial (better known as Iwo Jima). I would have loved to stick around for the weekend, but I had to fly back home, do laundry and pack back up for my trip to Cleveland.
On Monday, I flew off to Cleveland, where I now sit, for a conference for the VA Spinal Cord Injury System of Care. It was a pretty good conference and I met some helpful people I will not hesitate to use in the future with questions or concerns that pop up. Networking is all it's about right??? I came to Cleveland not being too excited to come here, to say the least. For the most part, it lived up to my expectations, but there were a few diamonds in the rough. The architecture was striking, especially with all the old churches they have ALL OVER the city. I'm kicking myself for not getting any pictures of that. We had some poor directions of how to get to some places in the city, but stumbled upon it last night and were quite impressed with some of the shops and places to eat. I even rode a mechanical bull - twice! Of course, Lake Erie was a sight to see, but it's still pretty chilly and the area we were by didn't have much of a lake front or Pier, but now I am happy to say I've been to 3 of the great lakes.
Well, I'll have some pictures to follow about the above, but for now, I'm going to wrap this up and work on a crossword puzzle until it's time to board. Once I get home this afternoon, I'll be home for a little while. But I can't get too comfortable, there is always something (near or far) that it seems I need to run to.
PS: Cleveland does NOT rock...
First my traveling started with a road trip to eastern Wisconsin for a B-E-A-UTIFUL wedding. It was an adventure through Amish country, cranberry bogs and lots of nothingness (particularly across Minnesota). The parents-of-the-groom do live in Austin, so if I ever need a break while making a trek like that again, I may just give them a call =)
Next was the branding in Lakeview. No surprises there, other than another AMAZING weekend with "family" that I love. No major injuries, just a few bangs and bruises overall. I rode horse, helped sort, wrestled calves and even learned how to give vaccination shots! Some people would like to say that the drive to Rosebud is a drive through nothingness, but I strongly object and say it's a drive right into God's Country!
My previous post was a little bit about my trip to DC. It was a whirlwind, too much conference and not enough tourist time. Blair, Nate and I did get to eat at a couple local places and take the After Dark bus tour of the monuments - I would recommend that tour to anyone. It's crazy how one statue, monument, or building can look so different. My favorite thing was the Marine Memorial (better known as Iwo Jima). I would have loved to stick around for the weekend, but I had to fly back home, do laundry and pack back up for my trip to Cleveland.
On Monday, I flew off to Cleveland, where I now sit, for a conference for the VA Spinal Cord Injury System of Care. It was a pretty good conference and I met some helpful people I will not hesitate to use in the future with questions or concerns that pop up. Networking is all it's about right??? I came to Cleveland not being too excited to come here, to say the least. For the most part, it lived up to my expectations, but there were a few diamonds in the rough. The architecture was striking, especially with all the old churches they have ALL OVER the city. I'm kicking myself for not getting any pictures of that. We had some poor directions of how to get to some places in the city, but stumbled upon it last night and were quite impressed with some of the shops and places to eat. I even rode a mechanical bull - twice! Of course, Lake Erie was a sight to see, but it's still pretty chilly and the area we were by didn't have much of a lake front or Pier, but now I am happy to say I've been to 3 of the great lakes.
Well, I'll have some pictures to follow about the above, but for now, I'm going to wrap this up and work on a crossword puzzle until it's time to board. Once I get home this afternoon, I'll be home for a little while. But I can't get too comfortable, there is always something (near or far) that it seems I need to run to.
PS: Cleveland does NOT rock...
Monday, April 26, 2010
History
With all that's been going on and the running around that I've been doing, it's been pointed out to me (numerous times) that I'm young. This can be a disadvantage or work in my favor - either way, it can be quite intimidating to present myself to groups and other professionals.
Last week I was in D.C. for the 2010 Social Work Congress. It's a national gathering of social workers from all across the country (and US Territories). This was the 2nd gathering with the first one being held 5 years ago. Each Congress has a mission for the social workers that have been selected to attend. The first one was focused on clinical goals. This year was the year to plan the future of social work. Across the country, a majority of social workers are of the Baby Boomer generation and are nearing retirement. That can be a scary thought when you think about all the knowledge and processes that will be exiting the field.
This year's theme was "Reaffirm, Revisit & Re-imagine the Profession." They also had to get 30 social workers under the age of 30, to help represent the up and coming leaders of the field. I was honored to be one of the 30 (and surprisingly I wasn't the youngest...). But I was the youngest Masters graduate, which I did feel put some pressure on me.
Not to say this is anywhere similar, but I've heard an individual of a race or gender say they feel that they are being heard as the entire race, but it's just their opinion. That is what I felt like. I was say something and as soon as I'd start to speak, everyone within ear shot would stop and listen and say, "say that again, we need to better understand the young people that will be replacing us," whether or not it had anything to do with social work. No pressure. I've just been working for 2.5 years as a Master graduate social worker, and now I'm expected to help form the social work goals and values for the next 10 years...are you kidding me?
It was a very informative and interesting process. We were split into work groups where we would come up with a vision for that topic. Each group had 100 people in it, but were broken down into 10 smaller groups. The topics I was assigned to was Leadership Development and Influence. At my tables I had people of various ages, experiences, backgrounds and practice. I really enjoyed and learned a lot. I also feel that some people were able to walk away with some new thoughts or beliefs after hearing my (the younger, more conservative) side of things. Haha, I think it was more eye opening for them to hear the conservative point of view vs. the younger...not many Republican social workers now-a-days...or ever.
With that, I just want to thank people of all ages and walks of life. Everyone has impacted me and my belief system in some way or another. I would not be who I am today. The social work field will feel some great losses with some of my colleagues that will soon retire, but I hope I will do them proud and become a great leader in my profession. And someday, I can help educate young, newer, social workers on the history of social work =)
Last week I was in D.C. for the 2010 Social Work Congress. It's a national gathering of social workers from all across the country (and US Territories). This was the 2nd gathering with the first one being held 5 years ago. Each Congress has a mission for the social workers that have been selected to attend. The first one was focused on clinical goals. This year was the year to plan the future of social work. Across the country, a majority of social workers are of the Baby Boomer generation and are nearing retirement. That can be a scary thought when you think about all the knowledge and processes that will be exiting the field.
This year's theme was "Reaffirm, Revisit & Re-imagine the Profession." They also had to get 30 social workers under the age of 30, to help represent the up and coming leaders of the field. I was honored to be one of the 30 (and surprisingly I wasn't the youngest...). But I was the youngest Masters graduate, which I did feel put some pressure on me.
Not to say this is anywhere similar, but I've heard an individual of a race or gender say they feel that they are being heard as the entire race, but it's just their opinion. That is what I felt like. I was say something and as soon as I'd start to speak, everyone within ear shot would stop and listen and say, "say that again, we need to better understand the young people that will be replacing us," whether or not it had anything to do with social work. No pressure. I've just been working for 2.5 years as a Master graduate social worker, and now I'm expected to help form the social work goals and values for the next 10 years...are you kidding me?
It was a very informative and interesting process. We were split into work groups where we would come up with a vision for that topic. Each group had 100 people in it, but were broken down into 10 smaller groups. The topics I was assigned to was Leadership Development and Influence. At my tables I had people of various ages, experiences, backgrounds and practice. I really enjoyed and learned a lot. I also feel that some people were able to walk away with some new thoughts or beliefs after hearing my (the younger, more conservative) side of things. Haha, I think it was more eye opening for them to hear the conservative point of view vs. the younger...not many Republican social workers now-a-days...or ever.
With that, I just want to thank people of all ages and walks of life. Everyone has impacted me and my belief system in some way or another. I would not be who I am today. The social work field will feel some great losses with some of my colleagues that will soon retire, but I hope I will do them proud and become a great leader in my profession. And someday, I can help educate young, newer, social workers on the history of social work =)
Friday, April 2, 2010
Footprints
Dennis,
I can't believe it's been a year that you've been gone. Even though we hadn't kept in touch as much as I would have liked to, I always will think of you as a very close and wonderful friend. You could captivate an audience of any age with your charisma and stories. I have met few as geniune as you. Before going to our different parts of the country, you gave me a gift. You provided me with "dinosaur dung." I carry it with me every day. It's a small way to hold on to the memories I can never get back.
God placed you in my life. He used you. I can never thank you enough. Your presence and support helped me process and cope with some of the hardest news I've had to process. No one wants to lose a friend, and when I found out that I'd also lost you, I asked myself how I can deal with the loss of you when you're the one that helped me deal in the past. While I had heard the beautiful flute play before, I cannot hear it now without remembering you, and the tribute you played to AJ. I smell sage and my eyes swell with tears. Not always out of sadness, just out of the mix of emotions that you provided me with years ago, when you comforted Lacey and I into the morning hours. We were away from family and the friends we had known. You stepped up and became more of a friend than I ever could have imagined.
Even though we didn't visit frequently, I always treasured our conversations. You would leave me feeling spiritually and emotionally filled. I can only hope I can have a similar impact on the people I interact with.
In the pictures, writings and communication I have with Terah, I can see you in the hearts, minds and souls of Teah, Nolan and Nakai. I can imagine you looking down and smiling, proud of your children and the legacy you left behind.
I miss you, Dennis. I want to thank you for the impact that you had on my life. You left your footprints on my heart, and they will stay there forever.
I can't believe it's been a year that you've been gone. Even though we hadn't kept in touch as much as I would have liked to, I always will think of you as a very close and wonderful friend. You could captivate an audience of any age with your charisma and stories. I have met few as geniune as you. Before going to our different parts of the country, you gave me a gift. You provided me with "dinosaur dung." I carry it with me every day. It's a small way to hold on to the memories I can never get back.
God placed you in my life. He used you. I can never thank you enough. Your presence and support helped me process and cope with some of the hardest news I've had to process. No one wants to lose a friend, and when I found out that I'd also lost you, I asked myself how I can deal with the loss of you when you're the one that helped me deal in the past. While I had heard the beautiful flute play before, I cannot hear it now without remembering you, and the tribute you played to AJ. I smell sage and my eyes swell with tears. Not always out of sadness, just out of the mix of emotions that you provided me with years ago, when you comforted Lacey and I into the morning hours. We were away from family and the friends we had known. You stepped up and became more of a friend than I ever could have imagined.
Even though we didn't visit frequently, I always treasured our conversations. You would leave me feeling spiritually and emotionally filled. I can only hope I can have a similar impact on the people I interact with.
In the pictures, writings and communication I have with Terah, I can see you in the hearts, minds and souls of Teah, Nolan and Nakai. I can imagine you looking down and smiling, proud of your children and the legacy you left behind.
I miss you, Dennis. I want to thank you for the impact that you had on my life. You left your footprints on my heart, and they will stay there forever.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Politician? Possibly...
It has been a long time, I always mean to update, but when I do - I can't. I sit down to start typing and all my words escape me. It's been a whirlwind of time the last few months and I just pray that continues. I'm not one that wishes time fly by (usually) but that's all I'm hoping and praying for right now...and until fall.
My mind has been so full of thoughts and emotions that I don't even know where to begin. Too many changes have taken place but yet I'm waiting on more. Work has been stressful and keeping me more than busy. There have been and will continue to be a lot of manager type positions that are being vacated and filled. With that looming, all of us worker bee's just keep doing our job and hoping that the new individuals of authority are fair and understanding of their role and the impact of that role. With any job and business there are politics - I've experienced them with every job I've worked. However, I've never felt politics like that of the federal government until now. I have a much better understanding of why our country has had such great victories and yet, such tragic losses. During some discussions with co-workers/friends - they often end with one of us saying, "If we just ruled the world..." After that had been said enough times, it sparked a thought. What if I had taken a different career path and used my determination and drive on an alternate route. I like to think there are good, honest politicians out there. We've all heard about the deals made to get legislators, senators, representatives to sign a policy in support. That is not what representing your country is about. It's not about "me" it's about helping decide and determine what is the best for the country as a whole. Again, I like to think there are honest politicians that stand up for what's right and don't do behind the scene deals...but do they?
I recently watched Evan Almighty with my family (while stranded in my parent's home over Christmas). It's a great movie that can really make you think about situations. He was an ordinary man with a wife and children. He was spoken to by God himself. God gave him a job. With much hesitation at first, Evan agreed. Would I agree? I'd like to think yes...but like Evan, would I need God to prove himself to me - prove that it's really God talking to me? I'm not sure. Then you put in that Evan was also a politician - a very public role. He took the task that God gave him above the job that the country appointed. He stuck with it. Many people crumble to that pressure; the pressure of the media and the scrutiny that is sure to follow. If I were in such a position, I pray that I would be able to keep my values, morals and judgement. With the legislation and policies back up for debate, I pray for our country. I pray that God be with them and help guide them to a decision that really is the best option for all - that the decisions are made for the country and not for individual favors. At work, a lot of my co-workers have already raised their own children and they speak of how different things are; how their children have to worry about things regarding their grandchildren that my co-workers never had to consider in their child-rearing days. Reading the history books and listening to family, friends and strangers, I think our country needs to put their faith and trust back on the one that really matters. The forefathers our America founded this country on a unity of beliefs, and that was God. I believe Ronald Reagan said it well when he stated, "If we ever forget that we are One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation gone under."
People are given the choice to believe. But Christians are also given the choice to share and spread the word. I pray that I do a better job in my every day life: at work, at the gym at church, at home, with co-workers, with friends, with clients, with strangers - to spread the word of God.
Recently I bought a book of bible verses that has a verse for each day. I'll end this posting with today's reading:
"You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy." Leviticus 19:2b
Prayer for the day: Today I am in complete unity with God the Good.
My mind has been so full of thoughts and emotions that I don't even know where to begin. Too many changes have taken place but yet I'm waiting on more. Work has been stressful and keeping me more than busy. There have been and will continue to be a lot of manager type positions that are being vacated and filled. With that looming, all of us worker bee's just keep doing our job and hoping that the new individuals of authority are fair and understanding of their role and the impact of that role. With any job and business there are politics - I've experienced them with every job I've worked. However, I've never felt politics like that of the federal government until now. I have a much better understanding of why our country has had such great victories and yet, such tragic losses. During some discussions with co-workers/friends - they often end with one of us saying, "If we just ruled the world..." After that had been said enough times, it sparked a thought. What if I had taken a different career path and used my determination and drive on an alternate route. I like to think there are good, honest politicians out there. We've all heard about the deals made to get legislators, senators, representatives to sign a policy in support. That is not what representing your country is about. It's not about "me" it's about helping decide and determine what is the best for the country as a whole. Again, I like to think there are honest politicians that stand up for what's right and don't do behind the scene deals...but do they?
I recently watched Evan Almighty with my family (while stranded in my parent's home over Christmas). It's a great movie that can really make you think about situations. He was an ordinary man with a wife and children. He was spoken to by God himself. God gave him a job. With much hesitation at first, Evan agreed. Would I agree? I'd like to think yes...but like Evan, would I need God to prove himself to me - prove that it's really God talking to me? I'm not sure. Then you put in that Evan was also a politician - a very public role. He took the task that God gave him above the job that the country appointed. He stuck with it. Many people crumble to that pressure; the pressure of the media and the scrutiny that is sure to follow. If I were in such a position, I pray that I would be able to keep my values, morals and judgement. With the legislation and policies back up for debate, I pray for our country. I pray that God be with them and help guide them to a decision that really is the best option for all - that the decisions are made for the country and not for individual favors. At work, a lot of my co-workers have already raised their own children and they speak of how different things are; how their children have to worry about things regarding their grandchildren that my co-workers never had to consider in their child-rearing days. Reading the history books and listening to family, friends and strangers, I think our country needs to put their faith and trust back on the one that really matters. The forefathers our America founded this country on a unity of beliefs, and that was God. I believe Ronald Reagan said it well when he stated, "If we ever forget that we are One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation gone under."
People are given the choice to believe. But Christians are also given the choice to share and spread the word. I pray that I do a better job in my every day life: at work, at the gym at church, at home, with co-workers, with friends, with clients, with strangers - to spread the word of God.
Recently I bought a book of bible verses that has a verse for each day. I'll end this posting with today's reading:
"You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy." Leviticus 19:2b
Prayer for the day: Today I am in complete unity with God the Good.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Alone At War
I've got my gun
I've got my gear
From my face I try
To hide my fear
They sent me to
A place unknown
So different from
Where I've grown
They tell me
I have what I need
Enough to get by
And so we can succeed
While my gun has become
A friend of mine
I treasure the memories
That seem caught in time
The I love you's I hear
Their hugs I still feel
Even though we said goodbye
Until now it didn't feel real
When I get a moment
I sit and hope
If I don't make it back
Ok they'll cope
But every night
I think and pray
How it will be
My homecoming day
To see my family and friends
That I've missed
To see my love
And feel her kiss
Each morning the sun
Rises in the sky
We are told our mission
And don't ask why
In the back of my mind
I put my thoughts
Just as if
Locked in a box
It's so hard for me
To think of home
Because then I realize
That I'm alone
-e.crabtree
I've got my gear
From my face I try
To hide my fear
They sent me to
A place unknown
So different from
Where I've grown
They tell me
I have what I need
Enough to get by
And so we can succeed
While my gun has become
A friend of mine
I treasure the memories
That seem caught in time
The I love you's I hear
Their hugs I still feel
Even though we said goodbye
Until now it didn't feel real
When I get a moment
I sit and hope
If I don't make it back
Ok they'll cope
But every night
I think and pray
How it will be
My homecoming day
To see my family and friends
That I've missed
To see my love
And feel her kiss
Each morning the sun
Rises in the sky
We are told our mission
And don't ask why
In the back of my mind
I put my thoughts
Just as if
Locked in a box
It's so hard for me
To think of home
Because then I realize
That I'm alone
-e.crabtree
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