Footprints

Dennis,

I can't believe it's been a year that you've been gone. Even though we hadn't kept in touch as much as I would have liked to, I always will think of you as a very close and wonderful friend. You could captivate an audience of any age with your charisma and stories. I have met few as geniune as you. Before going to our different parts of the country, you gave me a gift. You provided me with "dinosaur dung." I carry it with me every day. It's a small way to hold on to the memories I can never get back.

God placed you in my life. He used you. I can never thank you enough. Your presence and support helped me process and cope with some of the hardest news I've had to process. No one wants to lose a friend, and when I found out that I'd also lost you, I asked myself how I can deal with the loss of you when you're the one that helped me deal in the past. While I had heard the beautiful flute play before, I cannot hear it now without remembering you, and the tribute you played to AJ. I smell sage and my eyes swell with tears. Not always out of sadness, just out of the mix of emotions that you provided me with years ago, when you comforted Lacey and I into the morning hours. We were away from family and the friends we had known. You stepped up and became more of a friend than I ever could have imagined.

Even though we didn't visit frequently, I always treasured our conversations. You would leave me feeling spiritually and emotionally filled. I can only hope I can have a similar impact on the people I interact with.

In the pictures, writings and communication I have with Terah, I can see you in the hearts, minds and souls of Teah, Nolan and Nakai. I can imagine you looking down and smiling, proud of your children and the legacy you left behind.

I miss you, Dennis. I want to thank you for the impact that you had on my life. You left your footprints on my heart, and they will stay there forever.

Politician? Possibly...

It has been a long time, I always mean to update, but when I do - I can't. I sit down to start typing and all my words escape me. It's been a whirlwind of time the last few months and I just pray that continues. I'm not one that wishes time fly by (usually) but that's all I'm hoping and praying for right now...and until fall.
My mind has been so full of thoughts and emotions that I don't even know where to begin. Too many changes have taken place but yet I'm waiting on more. Work has been stressful and keeping me more than busy. There have been and will continue to be a lot of manager type positions that are being vacated and filled. With that looming, all of us worker bee's just keep doing our job and hoping that the new individuals of authority are fair and understanding of their role and the impact of that role. With any job and business there are politics - I've experienced them with every job I've worked. However, I've never felt politics like that of the federal government until now. I have a much better understanding of why our country has had such great victories and yet, such tragic losses. During some discussions with co-workers/friends - they often end with one of us saying, "If we just ruled the world..." After that had been said enough times, it sparked a thought. What if I had taken a different career path and used my determination and drive on an alternate route. I like to think there are good, honest politicians out there. We've all heard about the deals made to get legislators, senators, representatives to sign a policy in support. That is not what representing your country is about. It's not about "me" it's about helping decide and determine what is the best for the country as a whole. Again, I like to think there are honest politicians that stand up for what's right and don't do behind the scene deals...but do they?
I recently watched Evan Almighty with my family (while stranded in my parent's home over Christmas). It's a great movie that can really make you think about situations. He was an ordinary man with a wife and children. He was spoken to by God himself. God gave him a job. With much hesitation at first, Evan agreed. Would I agree? I'd like to think yes...but like Evan, would I need God to prove himself to me - prove that it's really God talking to me? I'm not sure. Then you put in that Evan was also a politician - a very public role. He took the task that God gave him above the job that the country appointed. He stuck with it. Many people crumble to that pressure; the pressure of the media and the scrutiny that is sure to follow. If I were in such a position, I pray that I would be able to keep my values, morals and judgement. With the legislation and policies back up for debate, I pray for our country. I pray that God be with them and help guide them to a decision that really is the best option for all - that the decisions are made for the country and not for individual favors. At work, a lot of my co-workers have already raised their own children and they speak of how different things are; how their children have to worry about things regarding their grandchildren that my co-workers never had to consider in their child-rearing days. Reading the history books and listening to family, friends and strangers, I think our country needs to put their faith and trust back on the one that really matters. The forefathers our America founded this country on a unity of beliefs, and that was God. I believe Ronald Reagan said it well when he stated, "If we ever forget that we are One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation gone under."
People are given the choice to believe. But Christians are also given the choice to share and spread the word. I pray that I do a better job in my every day life: at work, at the gym at church, at home, with co-workers, with friends, with clients, with strangers - to spread the word of God.

Recently I bought a book of bible verses that has a verse for each day. I'll end this posting with today's reading:
"You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy." Leviticus 19:2b
Prayer for the day: Today I am in complete unity with God the Good.

Alone At War

I've got my gun
I've got my gear
From my face I try
To hide my fear

They sent me to
A place unknown
So different from
Where I've grown

They tell me
I have what I need
Enough to get by
And so we can succeed

While my gun has become
A friend of mine
I treasure the memories
That seem caught in time

The I love you's I hear
Their hugs I still feel
Even though we said goodbye
Until now it didn't feel real

When I get a moment
I sit and hope
If I don't make it back
Ok they'll cope

But every night
I think and pray
How it will be
My homecoming day

To see my family and friends
That I've missed
To see my love
And feel her kiss

Each morning the sun
Rises in the sky
We are told our mission
And don't ask why

In the back of my mind
I put my thoughts
Just as if
Locked in a box

It's so hard for me
To think of home
Because then I realize
That I'm alone

-e.crabtree

FREE

They tell me I'm ready
And it's time for me to go
But I question myself
As I just don't know

They give us our duty
We tie up our boots
We all look the same
In our ACUs

I check our map
Re-clean my gun
And try to hide my eyes
From the glaring sun

Staying alert
As we ride in the truck
Pray we all get through this mission
With any luck

Back home life is different
I'm just treated like a kid
There no one will believe
Here the things that I did

And here I'm all grown
Split decisions I make
With the lives of my unit
Responsibility I take

That weight can get heavy
And the burden much
But the benefits of our task
It doesn't begin to touch

So I wake up in the morning
Put on the same clothes
Often my face is still dirty
When to bed I go

I can't help but think
How different life would be
If I hadn't signed the papers, but
The military has become part of me

If I could take it back
I wouldn't want to
It was my decision
And this is what I do

I wear my name with pride
On the right side of my chest
And when I go to work
For my country I dress

I hear shots get fired
Bombs exploding in the air
For me and my troops safety
I say a quick prayer

It's no longer about the money
I don't do it for me
It started with my family
And to protect their safety

My eyes have been opened
And now I feel and see
That I'm here for a purpose
And the belief to be free

-e. crabtree

Catching Up

So in the past month a lot has been going on, it's crazy to think that it's almost November already! With the world busy outside my window, here I sit alone in my apartment. Not by choice, by demands...the doctors are saying I have come down with H1N1. Not that any of us would really know, they aren't doing any testing. I have a cough...then I got a fever, so apparently that's enough to say H1N1. What that translates down to me is, I am to remain isolated and not allowed to return to work for 7 days, or longer, depending on when my fever resolves. It's already been a long couple days and I feel myself getting restless, so I hope these books I'm trying to read can hold my attention for another 5 days.

September was a busy month, starting with the sprint triathlon that Matt and I did. I wanted to go as a team, but Matt needed to go individual before he deployed...sadly, that meant I also had to do it individual if I wanted to compete. However, this tri went quite a bit better than the one I did back in May. While it was extremely difficult and I didn't do very well, I finished. I also had my breathing and heart pain much more under control, so that was reassuring.

As most of you could guess by my previous post, the following weekend we had a family reunion for my grandparents 60th anniversary. We had a great turnout that included 4 generations =) Sadly, not everyone was able to make it so hopefully we can have another shot at it before too long. Either way it was great to see the grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and all the babies!

The days between the weekends were filled with hanging out with Matt prior to his deployment - it included lots of sushi, big dinners with all the friends and tons of laughter.

Soon after I headed to Dallas, TX for a work conference. It was ok...nothing too exciting to report and Dallas didn't really offer a whole lot to encourage a return trip. My co-workers and I did venture out of the hotel to include visits to the House of Blues, Hard Rock Cafe, Gilley's (but they didn't have the mechanical bull, and that was the ONLY reason we went...), Texas State Fair (where we saw mini herefords, pig races, dog freestyle dancing and an 1,100 lb pig), and the 6th Floor Museum (where Kennedy's assassin was positioned). We kept busy but the stay seemed to be overshadowed by the attempted bombing of a gorgeous skyscraper 5 blocks from my hotel...needless to say, after that report hit the news, my sleep was a little more than restless.

September was busier than October has been, but where has October gone then? Needless to say it's included lots of meals with friends and even more football. The weeks are filled with work which has been overwhelming at times, but it's going well and the busier it is - the faster it goes. Last weekend was a huge surprise to Miah, Christina and I, as Matt was able to come home on an unexpected pass. Once again, we (not quite all as Matty had his graduation from basic the same weekend) were back together. We ate, drank, played, and laughed while we enjoyed our last time together for quite a while. The time we all shared together didn't make us sad to separate, it just made us more excited to reunite once everyone comes back home.

Now, here I am. H1N1. Home. Alone. It's been ok. Time to rest. Time to reflect. It's been a crazy past couple months. And I'm sure a few insane months will follow. I look forward to see what life will bring. Even though I'm sick, it's been a long time that I've been this happy and content. In some areas, it feels like I've hit rock bottom where it can only go up from here, which I know it will. In other areas, I'm on top of the world and no one can take that away from me.

60 Years

We gathered together
To celebrate with you
Sixty years back
When you joined as two

Look around for a moment
And look at what you’ve done
See how many love you
And how many could come

As we look through the pictures
We can see the past
It’s hard to believe those years
Have gone by so fast

For all of us
You take the blame
But we are all proud
To trace back to your name

The two of you started
Out your family
Who would have thought
Seven children there’d be

Then the numbers
Quickly grew
With fourteen grandchildren
For your family to include

The amount of members
Continues to climb
Seven great-grandchildren and counting
In your family is just fine

You taught us that love
Joined many years in the past
Can make it through much
And forever can last

Just like your relationship
Your family grew
All from a love
That started with two

Clean your Palate....

Within the past few months, a couple of my friends have been introducing me into the world of Sushi. I never used to have any desire to have sushi, but that may have come from a bad experience at China Star Buffet...never have sushi at an all you can eat buffet. It took me about a half hour to gag the thing down, just so I could say I did it - trust me, wasn't worth it.

Matt and Matty were good, they started me out slow by just getting me to go to Sushi Masa with them. I'd stick with "real food" and get their delicious Chicken Teriyaki and they'd let me taste their rolls. They weren't allowed to tell me what it was until after I tried it, so I wouldn't be too scared. There have been times were I've regretted that rule...

Now, I have graduated to only getting sushi rolls. Not yet brave enough to get an actual slab of sushi...the whole raw fish texture thing still eeks me out. I'm able to eat Special Cucumber, California, Spicy Tuna and I just tried the Spicy Salmon last night, which I actually prefer over the tuna. Grossest things they've suckered me into trying....Salmon Skin Hand Roll (I could actually feel the scales...still gives me the willies when I think about it) and some sort of eel...it's long and slimy, sick.

It's a real cute and quaint restaurant downtown. I think the staff enjoy watching and listening to me and my reactions to stuff. They come and talk to us quite a bit while we are there. I'm glad they aren't insulted. Those rolls can be too big for me to eat...so my friends aren't allowed to look at me while I'm eating one. If they did they'd laugh, then I'd start to and I'd probably choke and die. Well, that's our interpretation, so they just know not to look at me when I'm shoving some grub in my mouth. Oh and if you ever make it there - have a salad with Kaisan (not sure about the spelling) dressing. It's amazing, I could drink that stuff...

There is no room to wait if all the tables are full, so we walk around and do the sculpture walk...here are some fun pics from our strolls: